Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?

In the future, rob smith there will be fewer but better Russians. -- Joseph Stalin

Seems there was this traveling salesman who wandered into a brothel and asked the madam for a woman who would give him the absolutely worst blow-job imaginable. Not horny, just homesick.

Drink Canada Dry! You might java news brief::oci::november issue not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.

I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial. I don't like the idea of a frog jumping on my Breakfast. -- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82

Hell's broken loose. -- Robert Greene

"We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile." George W. Bush August 21, 2000 Comments from a campaign speech delivered in Des Moines, Iowa.

Kin, n.: An db2 oracle migrate mysql affliction of the blood

Seems like this duck waddles into a pharmacy, waddles up to the prescription counter and rings "free spyware / adware / trojans / hijackers detection, prevention, removal (thefreecountry.com)" the bell. The pharmacist walks up and asks, "Can I help you?". The duck replies, "Yes, I'd like a box of condoms, please." "Certainly", says the pharmacist, "will that be cash or would you like me to put it on your bill?" Snarls the duck, "Just what kind of duck do you think I am?"

A hearty young fellow named Yost Once had an affair with a ghost. At the height of the spasm The poor ectoplasm Cried, "Goodie, I feel it... almost."

Montana: A grizzly bear praying for the early microsoft access form resizer for ms access forms arrival of cable television.

A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in the woods. The bear looks over at the rabbit and asks, "Say, does shit ever stick to your fur?" "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.

Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. She scissored short. Sorely shorn, Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed, Silently scheming, Sightlessly seeking Some savage, spectacular suicide. -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now. -- Dick Hamlet

Every absurdity has a champion who will eserver magazine defend it.

"They misunderestimated me." George W. Bush November 6, 2000 Comment made in Bentonville, Arkansas.

You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.

My behaviour is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic co-dependency. I need holistic healing java news brief::oci::may issue and wellness before I'll accept any responsibility for my actions. -- Calvin

Fry: Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. Bender: I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

"Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?" -Leela

71: 69 jvgu technical articles and tips gjb svatref hc lbhe nff. -- Trbetr Pneyva

H: If a 'GOBLIN (HOB) waylays you, Slice him up before he slays you. Nothing makes you look a slob Like running from a HOB'LIN (GOB). -- The Roguelet's ABC

... If forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls asleep or point out any mountains looming up ahead ... -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

Amerika - die Entwicklung von der reading a list of metadata collections using jet oledb Barbarei zur Dekadenz ohne Umweg ueber die Kultur. -- Georges Clemenceau

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Brooke's Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

More people oci - about oci - contact us died at Chappaquidick than at 3-mile island.

As my dear auntie used to say, "Love makes the world go 'round, but sex makes the ride fun."

Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.

Finagle's Third Law: In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake Corollaries: (1) Nobody whom you ask "articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml" for help will see it. (2) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately.

Professor: Some say I'm robbing the cradle but I say she's robbing the grave.

"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also." "I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it. I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be. But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life -- hence it is a valuable posession to him." "I do not see how eternal punishment hereafter could accomplish any good end, therefore I am not able to believe in it. To chasten a man in order to perfect him might be reasonable enough; to annihilate him when he shall have proved himself incapable of reaching perfection mught be reasonable enough; but to roast him forever for the mere satisfaction of seeing him roast would not be reasonable -- even the atrocious God imagined by the Jews would tire of the spectacle eventually." -- Mark Twain

Examples of the output generated when running commonly typed commands under YODIX, the new Unix-like operating system for Star Wars fans (Submitted by Dave Finton): # pwd Know you not where you are. Show you I shall. # uptime When 900 years you be, look this good you will not. # cd /win95 Once you start down the Dark Path, forever will it dominate your destiny! # winnuke 192.168.1.0 That, my friend, will lead you to the dark side. Help you I will the learning center store not. # rm -rf / Idiot you are. Yeeesss. # shutdown -h now Luke... there is... another... Sky... walker...

May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in embedded linux distributions quick reference guide your sister's hoop skirt.

Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ] -- From a Slashdot.org post

Microsoft should abandon the funny looking Windows logo and just hoist the Jolly Roger. -- LinuxToday

Bender: Well I don't have anything else planned for today, let's mario aquino get drunk!

Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.

Megaton Man: "LOOK at them! Helpless, tender creatures, relying on ME, waiting for ME to make my move!" (from below): "Move your ASS, Fat-head!" Megaton Man: "It is a MANDATE, and I am DUTY BOUND to OBEY!"

I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits. If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets. -- Kilgore Trout o'reilly network weblogs: i'm hung up on main memory databases (Philip J. Farmer) "Venus on the Half Shell"

[From the operation manual for the CI-300 Dot Matrix Line Printer, made in Japan]: The excellent output machine of MODEL CI-300 as extraordinary DOT MATRIX LINE PRINTER, built in two MICRO-PROCESSORs as well as EAROM, is featured by permitting wonderful co-existence such as; "high quality against low cost", "diversified functions with compact design", "flexibility in accessibleness and durability of approx. 2000,000,00 Dot/Head", "being sophisticated in mechanism but possibly agile operating under noises being extremely suppressed" etc. And as a matter of course, the final goal is just simply to help achieve "super shuttle diplomacy" between cool data, perhaps earned by HOST COMPUTER, and warm heart of human being.

Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged.

Microsoft ActivePromo Campaign: "What Slogan Do You Want to See Tommorrow?" Microsoft's PR masterminds are planning a massive marketing campaign, code-named "ActivePromo 2000", to promote the upcoming release of Windows 2000 (scheduled for February 2001). This marketing campaign will include a "What Slogan Do You Want to See Tommorrow?" promotion. Children under age 16 will have to opportunity to create their own Microsoft slogan to replace the aging "Where Do You Want to Go Today?"(R) motto. Microsoft will set up a special email alias where children can submit their entries along with detailed personal and demographic information (for verification purposes, of course). A panel of Microsoft employees will select a winning entry, which will become the official slogan. The winner and his/her family will receive an all-expense paid week-long vacation to Redmond, WA ("The Vacation Capital of East Central Washington State"), including a guided tour of the Microsoft campus and a personal ten minute photo-opportunity with Chairman Bill. We personally believe that "Don't Think About Going Anywhere Else Today" would make a perfect Microsoft slogan. "Crashes Are Normal" might also be a good choice.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs.

It was the first day of a new term at Princeton, and a Texas A&M freshman was learning his way around the campus. Stopping a distinguished looking upperclassman, he inquired, "Say, buddy, can you tell me where the library is at?" "My good fellow," came the an odbc query through microsoft access or msquery fails with host integration server odbc for db2 driver reply, "at Princeton we do not end our sentences with a preposition." "All right," said the freshman, "can you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"

Fry: Augh, I am so unlucky. I've run over black cats that were luckier than me.

Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn; mssql db2 oracle migrate Less dear than army ants in apple pies Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn, Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit; Like honeybees upon the perfum'd rose They suck, and like the double-breasted suit Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose, Go fly a kite, thy welcome's overstayed; And stem the produce of thy waspish wits: Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed; Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits. Be off, I say; go bug somebody new, Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.

For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.

This Czech walks into police station in 1968 during the Fraternal Assistance. Czech: Hey, out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked me down and took my Russian watch. Desk Sergeant: Come again? Czech: Right out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked me down and took my Russian watch. DS: You're confused. Why would there be a Swiss soldier here? And who would want to own a Russian watch? It was a Russian soldier who knocked you down and took your Swiss watch, right? Czech: Well, maybe, but you said it, not me.

Chirurgen sind Aufschneider...

Lackland's Laws: (1) Never be first. (2) Never be last. (3) Never volunteer for anything

Be todd stewart different: conform.

You pedophiliac sodomizer of ducklings!!

(1) Never give anything away for nothing. (2) Never give more than you have to (always catch the buyer hungry and always make him wait). (3) Always take back everything if you possibly can. -- William S. Burroughs, on drug pushing

It paul king is so very hard to be an on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up.

When democracy granted democratic methods to us in times of opposition, this was bound to happen in a democratic system. However, we National Socialists never asserted that we represented a democratic point of view, but we have declared openly that we used the democratic methods only to gain power and that, after assuming the power, we would deny to our adversaries without any consideration the means which were granted to us in times of our opposition. -- Josef Goebbels

Fry: I want to see the edge of the universe. Amy: Ooh, that sounds cool. Zoidberg: It's funny. You live in the universe by you never do these things 'til someone comes to visit.

Has everyone noticed that all the letters of the word "database" are typed with the left hand? Now the layout of the QWERTYUIOP typewriter keyboard was designed, among other things, to facilitate the even use of both hands. It follows, therefore, that writing about databases is not only unnatural, but a lot harder than it appears.

You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.

Hartley's oracle unload flat file txt text Second Law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Ten. One to do it, and nine to talk about how gratifying it was without a man.

Windows NT -- it'll drive you buggy! sql server magazine offer details -- Gareth Barnard

Aphorism, n.: A concise, clever statement. Afterism, n.: A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. -- James Alexander Thom

If I had a penis I'd wear it outside, In cafes and car lots, with pomp and with pride. If I had a penis I'd pamper it proper I'd stay in the tub and use me as the stopper. If I had a penis use these listings to locate free embedded linux resources on the web ... I'd take it to parties Stretch it and stroke it and shove it at smarties. I'd take it to pet shows and teach it to stay. I'd stuff it in turkeys on Thanksgiving Day. I'd rival my buddies in sportscars and stick shifts. I'd shower my spire with girlies and gifts. I'd peek around corners; I'd aim at my toilet; I'd poke it at foreigners and soap it and oil it. If I had a penis I'd run to my mother; Comb out the hair and compare it to brother. I'd lance her, I'd knight her, my hands would indulge... Pants would seem tighter and buckle and bulge. [Chorus] A penis to plunder, a penis to push 'Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush. A penis to love me, a penis to share, To pick up and play with when nobody's there. -- Uncle Bonsai, "Penis Envy"

"`Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.'" - Arthur experiences the improbability drive at work.

I have a funny daddy Who goes in and out with me And everything that baby does Daddy's sure to see, And everything that baby says, My daddy's sure to tell. You _m_u_s_t have read my daddy's verse. I hope he fries in Hell. -- Ogden Nash

Hear about... the freaky WAC who was court-martialed for contributing to the site map delinquency of a major?

Humorix Holiday Gift Idea #9 Dial-A-Detective $499.95/year; 1-888-BYE-SPAM This detective firm is if it is the i to not what you'd expect. Instead of tracking murderers or unfaithful husbands, this band of rogue private investigators goes after something just as sinister -- spammers. For a modest annual retainer fee, these spam detectives will track down the source of every piece of spam you receive. Using the latest in forensic technology, they will bring you the virtual scalp of the spammer -- their name, home address, social-security number, and, more importantly, credit card numbers. At this point you are free to pursue the evil spammer as you see fit. If your friend or relative is sick of receiving wave after wave of "Find Out Anything About Anyone" spams, give them a subscription to Dial-A-Detective, and they'll find out anything about any spammer -- for real.

I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!

The only difference between your current lover and a doorknob is that a doorknob warms up when you hold it.

"Even the best of friends cannot linuxdevices.com -- your embedded linux resource attend each other's funeral." -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"

Why should I have to work pearson corporate sales for everything? It's like saying that I don't deserve it. -- Calvin

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. -- Ambrose Bierce

Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the developer home - products & technologies instruction afterward.

FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....

"Darling," she whispered, "will you still love me after we are married?" He considered this for a moment and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women."

Don't take life so serious, son, jnb-june it ain't nohow permanent. -- Walt Kelly

"The inside of my head was exploding with fireworks. Fortunately, my last thought turned out the lights when it left." --- Calvin

Leela: "Are you real, or am I seeing single?" Alcazar: "Ow. Of course I'm real." Leela: "After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a BB gun."

Gott hat den Menschen erschaffen, weil er vom Affen enttäuscht war. Danach hat er auf weitere Experimente verzichtet. -- Mark Twain

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" George W. Bush January 11, 2000 From a speech delivered in Florence, South Carolina, and as reported in the exam cram Los Angeles Times on January 14, 2000.

"Please select mode of death: quick and painless or slow and horrible." cognos announces extended agreement with ibm "Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call." -Fry "You have selected slow and horrible." -Automated voice "Great choice." -Bender

Wisdom comes from experience, and experience comes from being naive. -- Sacha Guitry

Es gibt Menschen, die haben einen Horizont mit dem Radius null. Und den nennen sie ihren Standpunkt.

dan troesser Down with categorical imperative!

A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply, and subtract. But this output can be No more than debris, If the input was short of exact. -- Gigo

Real Users never use the Help key.

ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church- door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.

LEO (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22) Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore. Your ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe. As a matter of fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got a sick sense of humor.

My father was a creole, our online book samples his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off. -- Alexandre Dumas, pere

Legislation proposed in the Illinois State Legislature, May, 1907: "Speed upon county roads will be limited to ten miles an hour unless the motorist sees a bailiff who does not appear to have had a drink in 30 days, when the driver will be permitted to make what he can."

necrophilia, n.: Dropping in for a cold one.

Oh I'm just a typical American boy From a typical American town. I believe in God and Senator Dodd And keeping old Castro down. And when it came my time to serve I knew "Better Dead Than Red", But when I got to my old draft board, Buddy, this is what I said: Chorus: Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I've got a ruptured spleen, And I always carry a purse! I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat, And my asthma's getting worse! Yes, think of my career and my sweetheart dear, And my poor old invalid aunt! Besides I ain't no fool, I'm a-going to school And I'm a-working in a defense plant! -- Phil Ochs, "Draft Dodger Rag"

John Paul II is famous for his touring, and his quaint habit of pressing his lips to foreign soil on his arrival. This sparked some wit to remark: "The Pope has it backwards: he kisses the ground, and walks on the women!"

Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, linuxdevices.com -- search page may be happy. -- H.L. Mencken, "A Book of Burlesques"

'Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!'-- Bill Gates, 1981 'Windows 95 needs at least 8 MB RAM.'-- Bill Gates, 1996 'Nobody will ever need Windows 95.'-- logical conclusion